Letting Go 101

My father was the first person to raise the possibility of taking a long, extended break from the roller coaster that is infertility last week after my second miscarriage was confirmed. At the time, I wasn't really keen on it. I wanted to jump right back in and try to get pregnant again (and hopefully have it stick this time).

But, the more I thought about it, pondered the ramifications, thought about the freedom from the tyranny of appointments and my cycle, the more attractive the whole thing became. I haven't had a voluntary break from infertility for quite a while. The last few breaks were due to cysts from the infertility drugs that benched me for another medicated cycle. I accepted those breaks, but I didn't choose them.

Infertility has a particularly excellent talent for robbing you of your sense of control over your life. There are very few times when you feel as if you have some control while you are going through infertility. Deciding to step away from the medical buffet would be one of those few times.

Initially, we have decided to take three months off. That three months started on February 28, 2008 when I learned that I was going to have my second miscarriage in a row. My doctor told me that I could start another cycle as soon as April. We're going to try to make it at least until May.

What to do in the mean time? Maybe I'll just ponder.

image: Swiv